I was back at East Harptree today. Remember it? The place where you shouldn't eat the peas - just in case.
Well I was back. And I learned some more valuable life lessons.
Have your parents recently turned into caterpillars?
Do you think you're Tarzan?
Have you eaten a dodgy egg that has given you only 24 more hours to live?
Don't worry. Help is here. The good people of East Harptree know exactly what to do to help.
It turns out that the root of your problem is that you might have recently turned into a butterfly, stuck a nail through your nose, sung into too many carrots and rubbed your enormous foot against your giant hair one time too many.
So calm it down. Relax.
Your tiny wooden dog will save you.
Unless it marries a tiny wooden pig. But love always comes along to get in the way, doesn't it?
Today: St Neots, 5.30pm.