Some of my female friends have expressed surprise at the eating patterns of my male friends and me. In an effort to help with their confusion, allow me to explain.
The eating requirements of the human male are very simple. We adhere absolutely and without exception to the following Four Laws of Eating:
1. Eat if you've just woken up.
2. Eat if, according to the clock, it's a meal time.
3. Eat if you haven't eaten in the last hour.
4. Eat if you're hungry.
The laws are cumulative, and no one supercedes any other. For example, if I wake up, and it is also a meal time, I must eat twice. If I've been asleep for more than an hour, during which time I haven't eaten, I must eat again immediately. In that circumstance, I would almost certainly be hungry, in which case I must eat again. If, after all this, it's the next meal time, then it's time to eat again.
There are, of course, corollaries to the Four Laws. These are the 12 Laws of Snacking.
One day I'll reveal the 286 Laws of Drinking.