Wednesday, September 13, 2006

The 'What's More Annoying' World Cup

Welcome to the 'WMA'WC. It's a straight knock-out competition, none of this ridiculous 'group stage' rubbish. Let's get started.

Heat One: Insect Bites v Paper Cuts

It was close at first, but in the end, no contest. Insect bites have been drving me mad all day. Clear and present irritation is more powerful than potential pain. Winner: Insect Bites, (3-1).

Heat Two: Stubbing your toe v Trapping your finger in a door

A fascinating battle, with neither contestant ever really getting the upper hand. In the end, it was won on a technicality: a disagreement over the types of door you can get your finger trapped in. Winner: Stubbing your toe, (on points).

Heat Three: Leaving your shopping list at home v Forgetting to buy milk

The most dull of the heats so far. Both of these teams were lucky to qualify from the regional stage. Neither looked like they wanted to win, and in the end a final push from a lacklustre side saw the best of a bad bunch limp home, 88 for 3. Winner: Forgetting to buy milk, (by seven wickets).

Heat Four: Inconvenient phone-calls v Uncomfortable underwear

A packed house relished a clash of the titans that in the end lived up to everybody's expectations. A classic bout. A duel of strategy, athleticism and endurance that nobody who was here tonight will ever forget. Winner: Uncomfortable underwear, (6-4, 4-6, 5-7, 6-3, 9-7).

Still to come: lots more heats.

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