Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Tube Drivers and their Amusing Humour

I've been saving these up for a long time. I used to take the London Underground to school every morning. Every now and again a driver would make an announcement that amused me with its wit, stupidity, or weirdness. Here are a few that I remembered to write down:

‘This train will not be stopping at the next station because the previous station was the next station.’

‘If any passenger has a can opener would they please make their way towards the front of the train.’

‘This train is to somewhere, most likely via somewhere else, but to be honest your guess is as good as mine.’

‘This is to remind passengers that life-jackets are under your seats, but we have no oxygen masks so in case of emergency, hold your breath.’

‘This train will not be stopping at the next station. And incidentally, it’s where I met my ex-wife.’

‘Ladies and Gentleman, welcome to the London Underground. If you’re happy and you know it please clap your hands.’

‘Welcome to London Underground, where anything could happen at any time, so long as it isn’t the time it’s supposed to happen.’

‘London Underground would like to remind passengers who don’t have seats to rotate slowly so that you get cooked evenly on all sides.’


marianne said...

"There are no delays or station closures to report. Unbelieveable, isn't it?"

"Kings Cross Station is closed due to a fire alert. Passengers for Kings Cross may get off at Euston and proceede back to Kings Cross on foot. It is a five minute walk, but if you have time, there are several pleasant pubs on the way."

marianne said...

Oh, and one I hear quite a lot.

"The Metrapolitan line is suspended between Finchley Road and Liverpool St. The Circle Line is completely suspended. The Central Line has severe delays owing to a signal faliure. The Picadilly Line has severe delays owing to a fire alert at Finsbury Park. The Victoria Line is delayed. The District line is part suspended between Richmond and Embankment for engineering works. Holborn is shut due to overcrowding. Covent Garden is shut due to defective lifts. All other services are running normally."

Which other services????

Simon said...

haha - I never get to hear them!