August

Sorry. The internet is on holiday this month.

The website you require will be back online, slightly tanned, sometime in September.

Who knows when?

What if the internet really, really it liked it on holiday, found some beautiful mermaid and decided to stay away forever? It could phone home and get its mum to put all of its belongings into storage. It only has a couple of friends, and it could send them a facebook message to let them know. (Oh yes, the internet has a facebook page.) Then it could live the rest of its life making a humble living by painting the shells on the beach and selling them to the few tourists who come by.

Every now and again one of the tourists would look a little harder at the bearded, sun-baked shell-seller.

'Aren't you...?' the tourist would start, unsure what they recognised in the shell-seller's face. 'Didn't you used to be...?'

The internet would smile a soft, nostalgic smile.

'Yes,' he'd say. Then his mermaid bride would put a gentle flipper on his shoulder, before he would explain, 'I used to be big. But now I'm happy.'

That's August for you.

PS I wonder what the internet's mum looks like...